


The Whole Woman

by WildwingSuz



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildwingSuz/pseuds/WildwingSuz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scully thinks that Mulder can’t really want her romantically because she’s not a “whole woman”.  Mulder has to convince her otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whole Woman

**Author's Note:**

> I started this when I was deep in writing fanfic back in 2008, but as the urge to write waned I never forgot this story. I was three-quarters of the way through when I stopped writing, but I kept reading and editing this one as the months and then years went by. Finally I just sat my ass down and finished the damn thing in 2011; I had put too much work into it to leave it unfinished. 
> 
> Spoilers: none; takes place sometime in mid-Season 7
> 
> I also want to say thanks to my wonderful, loyal fans who repeatedly write me to ask when another story is coming out. I’ll keep trying as long as you keep reading.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to my beta readers Sandi and Melissa—your time and work is very much appreciated.

The Whole Woman  
Rated NC-17  
By Suzanne Feld

 

“Okay, Mulder, what does this mean?”

I looked up at her from my desk. Scully was holding a pair of long-stemmed roses in one hand, a handwritten invitation in the other. Though it was scrawled on typing paper, I knew that it was an invitation because I had written it not long ago.

For once I decided to answer her honestly. “Yellow rose for friendship, red rose for, ah, romance, and an invitation to my summer house for the weekend.”

That gets me the eyebrow. “You have a vacation cottage?”

“I decided to keep my parents’ Quonochontaug house. I’ve spent the last few weekends there with a handyman getting it ready for the summer. I’m going to be going there more often, and thought you might like to spend Memorial Day weekend there with me.” All this comes out in one long rush. I’m far more nervous than I thought I’d be when I dreamt up this cockamamie plan months ago.

She chuffs, the eyebrow going back to normal but her eyes have turned into blue lasers as she watches me sharply. “With no ulterior motives, Mulder? Just a couple of platonic friends hanging out for the weekend?”

I nod at the pair of roses she’s holding. “That’s why I gave you those. You let me know.”

We’ve been edging towards physical intimacy over the last few months, ever since that impulsive New Year’s Eve kiss. We both know it, but are too chickenshit to do anything other than occasional hugs and forehead kisses. I’ve finally found my cojones and invited Scully for the weekend; I don’t dare tell her, but that’s why I decided to keep the Quonochontaug house. In my daydreams it’s our weekend getaway, where we can go to be alone and enjoy each other, make love, skinny-dip, whatever we want.

So far it is only a daydream but, I hope, not for long.

“Oh, I get it. If I set out the red rose it means an invite to my bed, but the yellow one means keep your mitts to yourself,” she says sarcastically.

This was not how I saw this going and I’m getting a little annoyed. “Uh, something along those lines. Listen, Scully, if you’re not interested then just tell me so. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

Instantly her face softens. “Well, no, Mulder, but I don’t want to be seen as nothing more than a convenient vagina by a man who wants to get laid.”

I stared at her, startled both by the words and the fact that she would even consider that. “You’re the last woman in the world I’d think of like that,” I say honestly, remembering all the romantic scenes I’ve imagined us in and ignoring the pure porn ones that had also crossed my mind now and then. “Why would you think I see you in that light? Have I ever treated you like that before?”

She shrugged and turned away, setting the roses and note back where she’d found them. Since she still didn’t have a desk in my office I had left them in her “spot” on the counter next to the microscope in the back. Briefly I wondered if the desk thing was part of the problem again. “No, no you haven’t. But there’s a first time for everything.”

“This isn’t it,” I tell her slender, maroon-clad back with some annoyance. “It’s an honest invitation. I’ll be going up Friday after work, so let me know before then.”

I’m so irritated with her by this time that I grab a file at random from my desk and stomp out, ignoring her call behind me. I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m getting there quickly.

:::

Shit, I didn’t mean for it to go like that.

I know I hurt his feelings, but I don’t know how else to handle Mulder when he gets in that clearly amorous mood. He looks at me like I’m a piece of fresh Boston Cream Pie (God, I even know his favorite dessert) and I want to melt, but I don’t dare let myself do that. Like I told him, I learned a long time ago about getting involved with co-workers and it’s not happening again, among several other damn good reasons not to.

But oh dear God, I so want to. 

That’s what’s making me testy with him, I realize. It’s not that he wants me; it’s that I want him and suddenly he’s making it easy for me. Making his feelings clear and leaving the ball in my court. It’s almost more of a temptation than I can resist, but I know I must hold out and that means not spending a weekend alone with him in his remote ‘vacation cottage’. 

I reach out and touch the soft petals of the slowly wilting red rose with one fingertip, feeling my heart soften. I know he loves me, and I love him, but we are not ‘in love’ with each other despite what Padgett said. No matter how many times I’ve tried, I have never actually fallen in love with a man. Hence my string of failed relationships and six-some-odd years’ celibacy. I’m pretty sure I’d know it if I had.  
Heaving a sigh, I pick up both roses but leave the note lying where it is, and go in search of a cup and water to put the flowers in. For now they’ll stay together on my stretch of counter (why don’t I have a desk yet?) and the next time I see Mulder, I’ll thank him kindly for the invite but turn it down. I’ll spend this weekend by myself, maybe steam-clean my carpet or take another solitary drive although I’m going nowhere near Maine this time.

Yes, a weekend of solitude sounds like just the thing.

:::

The sound of footsteps in the hallway woke me with a start, and then I remembered whose light footfalls those were. Though my bedroom door was closed, the wooden floors in this old house creak and groan like a tired ghost when the slightest bit of weight is put on them. A few moments later I heard the toilet flush, then the light steps moved away. I glanced at the clock and groaned; it was barely eight a.m. But Scully was an early riser, I already knew that, and I couldn’t bring myself to go back to sleep while she was up even though I’d only slept a few hours.

By the time I got to the kitchen she had the Mr. Coffee brewing but was nowhere in sight herself. I wandered around the house barefoot, wearing the loose gym shorts and sleeveless t-shirt I’d slept in. It was warm enough that I’d left the windows open last night, though out of sheer city habit I’d closed and locked both front and back doors. Now I opened the inside front door, leaving the new screen door closed, to get more fresh air inside. This house didn’t have central air or air conditioning, but the sea breezes usually kept it at a reasonable temperature during warm weather.

I found the rear French doors unlocked, which gave me a moment of panic, and then realized where Scully must be. Going out on the new deck I spotted her sitting at the ancient wooden picnic table near the water and wandered down there, stretching and windmilling my arms as I went.

“Beautiful morning, isn’t it,” I said as I neared, letting her know I was there since she had her back to me and I didn’t want to startle her. “Supposed to be like this all weekend.”

She turned and smiled close-mouthed up at me briefly. Her hair was tousled and she wore no makeup, but I had never seen a more beautiful woman in all my life. She was dressed in a pair of dark navy blue silk pajamas with a white robe tied tightly around her waist and a pair of fuzzy tan slippers, about as non-sexy as I could imagine her ever being, but the sight tugged at my heartstrings nonetheless. “It is. Got any plans for today?”

I sat next to her on the bench seat, our backs to the table and facing the restless water a few feet away. I was careful not to sit too close, but hopefully not too far away either; my arm just brushed her shoulder when I rested it on the top of the table behind us. It was a beautiful morning, the temperature probably around seventy degrees in the shade where we sat, only a few puffy clouds drifting by overhead. “Not really. Figured we could play it by ear. I’ve got a pretty good selection of board games, or if you feel like just sitting around and reading there are several bookcases full. Or we could go for a walk or run, swim, rent a boat, whatever you want.”

“Sitting around doing nothing has its appeal after the last few weeks,” she said, looking over at me with her mouth quirked. It wasn’t quite a smile, but close, and I knew what she meant. “But I know I’ll get bored eventually. Maybe later we can do something.”

“Sounds good to me. If you’d like to take a hike there’s a state park and a wildlife conservation area not far from here, both have some great nature trails.”  
She nodded, and then got up smoothing her robe over her hips. “For now, I am in dire need of caffeine. Think the coffee’s done yet?”

“Only one way to find out.” I got up beside her and as we began to walk back to the house, I casually took her hand. She slanted a glance at me but didn’t protest, holding my hand in return but walking her usual distance away. I didn’t let go until we got to the house, where I held the door for her to precede me inside. I wondered how long she could hold out, and was twice as determined to get her to admit her feelings for me. After that, the rest should come naturally.

:::

We sat at the kitchen table in a comfortable silence with mugs of fresh coffee as I looked around. The floor plan was open so that I could see almost all the way through the house to the front door from where we sat by the French doors. The house looked startlingly different from the last time I had been here a couple of years ago. Of course that had been at night, but even so the difference was striking.

I remembered the walls as having had dark paneling but now they were painted white, strips of vertical wood that had a very masculine, nautical flavor to it. Instead of the mishmash of pictures covering the walls, there were few prints hanging here and there, all of them with a water theme—ducks rising from a marsh, a tall ship in high seas, and one large, gorgeous oil painting of the seashore during low tide hung over the fireplace. All of the heavy, flowered print curtains that used to cover the windows were gone, replaced with woodgrain blinds that were wide open and let the sun in. The floors were shining natural wood, accented with throw rugs here and there. The furniture was all wood, brass, and dark material, matching the rough wooden beams overhead.

“You did a great job in this house, Mulder, it looks totally different—and really fits you,” I told him as we sat and sipped our coffee. “I’m impressed.”

He shrugged, grinning a little, clearly pleased by my praise. “I got tired of living among the Greatest Hits of the 1970s,” he said. “We pretty much took everything out and replaced it. Had to pry up the avocado-colored stove with a crowbar.”

I chuckled and looked around again. “Wasn’t gutting the house and replacing everything expensive?”

“Not really, not as much as you’d think since I did much of the work myself. I had help from a local handyman for the heavier stuff, and found a charity to come out and pick up the clothing and such, but it was actually kind of fun to do most of it. I learned a lot... sometimes the hard way.” He lifted one hand and shook it, miming an injury.

I took another sip of my coffee. Mulder had really gone all out for our weekend, including buying good Starbucks ground coffee and stocking the refrigerator full of food we would never finish in just a couple of days. That reminded me… “So, what’s for breakfast? You are going to feed me, right?”

“If you’re feeling brave. I can fry a mean egg.”

I raised a brow. “Should I cook?”

He shook his head. “No, you’re my guest, you’re to do nothing but relax and enjoy yourself. Whatever you want.” He waggled his brows at me in a clear come-on gesture as he stood and stretched, lifting the hem of his shirt up enough that I could see his flat belly, its line of dark hair rising from his shorts.

I was shaken by a wave of desire so strong that I nearly slid out of my chair. Never in my life had I felt such an intense yearning for a man as I did for him; most of the time I never went past lukewarm with any of the men I’d dated. It was all I could do not to reach out and trace that line of hair to where it ended. 

I had never physically responded to Mulder like this, not even the day I’d found him naked in the bathtub in that ratty motel—in fact during that incident had been the first and only time I’d been in the house before this weekend, I realized. I was buffeted with memories of Mulder yelling at me, the deafening gunshots in that small room, and how his body had heaved with sobs as I’d leaned over his back and hugged him tight. 

I thought about the roses and the note, but then got hold of myself and pushed those dangerous thoughts away. Still, I couldn’t help the thought that we were alone here, fairly remote, and could spend the entire long weekend doing whatever we wanted. I had rationalized this trip by telling myself repeatedly that it was just a much-needed getaway with a friend, but I was beginning to realize that perhaps I had not been telling the whole truth. To help distract myself I said, “Right now, one of us needs to make breakfast before my blood sugar drops any further and I get really crabby.”

“Your wish is my command.”

An hour later we had moved from the dining room to the new patio furniture on the deck, enjoying the cool, gusting sea breeze in the shade of surrounding trees. We both had one last cup of coffee and were groaning from breakfast; Mulder had not only fried eggs, he’d made turkey sausage links, frozen waffles, and toast, serving it with orange juice. I couldn’t remember how long it’d been since I’d eaten that much for breakfast.

He reached over and took my hand gently, undemanding, but his thumb stroked the back of it and caused shivers to ripple through me. “Beautiful out here, isn’t it?”

Without thinking, I yanked my hand away and turned as much as I could in the heavy wooden chair to face him. “Mulder, I’m getting tired of this. I don’t want or need to be romanced; you are my partner, my best friend, and one of the people I care most about in this world. But I am not going to sleep with you, let’s get that out in the open right now. I learned my lesson about getting involved with co-workers long ago and I’m never going to break it again. You know that story.”

Undaunted, he got my hand back and squeezed it gently. “Fine, Scully. Whatever you say. I just want both of us to relax and enjoy the weekend.”

Our eyes met, held, caught, and in his I saw clear love for me, and contentment. That look scared me. Without thinking first I said, “Then lay off of me, okay, Mulder? You’re making me uncomfortable.”

He was clearly undaunted and didn’t let go of my hand, although I did see his eyes go from happy to disappointed. “Is it just because we’re co-workers?” he asked, still holding my eyes. “Is that the only reason you won’t get, uh, romantically involved with me?”

I hesitated, biting my lower lip. This was a loaded question and I knew it. “That’s a lot of it, Mulder,” I said honestly. “It’s been the biggest mistake in my life, and I’ve done it over and over. I won’t do it again.”

“Are you worried that people will find out about us if we become a couple?” he said carefully. “Or that it’ll screw with the work?”

I tugged my hand away from him again. “Both. Plus, Mulder, you can do so much better than me. Find a whole woman, one who can have your children, for one thing.”

He stared at me, blank at first then with dawning comprehension his expressive face. “Is that it? You think because your ova was taken from you, I don’t really want you?”

I shrugged, looking away. “If I remember correctly, you did once say that you wanted to have a family.”

“Hey—hey, look at me, Scully.” Although I really didn’t want to, I turned to face him again. His hazel eyes, narrowed in the bright light, were serious. “Yeah, I did. But there are many types of families, as you well know. And I don’t want one that doesn’t have you in it. You got that?”

I heaved a sigh, tired of arguing with him. Was there ever a time we wouldn’t be at odds? “Mulder… please.”

“All right, I’ll let it go for now, but we’re not done talking about this, Scully.” Now he looked determined, like he did when we were discussing a case and he knew I didn’t believe him and was going to make me follow his line of reasoning or, more often, wild leap of logic. But as long as he dropped it for the time being I wasn’t going to complain.

:::

Later that morning we went for a walk. I took her along the shoreline towards the ruins of an old fieldstone house that had collapsed into the water long before my parents were born, where Samantha and I used to play when we were kids. It was a mile or so walk, most of which we passed in a comfortable silence.

I had laid off the come-on, which I hadn’t thought to be so obvious but which Scully had caught on to quickly enough. She seemed a lot more relaxed and comfortable, which made me wonder if she really didn’t have feelings for me and honestly didn’t want our relationship to go any further. Had I really been reading her signals wrong all these years? I honestly didn’t think so; I was about as sure as I could be that she felt the same way about me as I did about her. If the main thing keeping us apart was her lack of being able to have children then I had to think of a way to convince her that it didn’t matter to me. 

As for us being co-workers… was it worth giving up the X-Files for, I wondered, if she really meant it. Could I request reassignment, perhaps back to the VCU or a teaching assignment, leaving them with her? I knew that she didn’t want to do anything other than be a field agent so if one of us left, it had to be me. If it came down to that I would consider it, but I hoped I wouldn’t have to.

As requested I stopped touching her, although it was all I could do not to take her hand or put my arm around her as we walked. She was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a plain white scoop-neck t-shirt, Rockport sandals on her feet. Her hair was up in a ponytail and I had lent her a hat, an old but clean blue denim fishing hat of Samantha’s I’d found while cleaning out the house. Though a little small, it still helped protect her head from the sun. She looked more like a coed on spring break than an FBI agent on vacation.

“You played here as a child, Mulder? Wasn’t it dangerous?” Scully asked as we neared the tumbled ruins, cobalt waves washing and curling around them, throwing up spatters of eggwhite foam. The breeze gusting in our faces smelled strongly of the sea, salt marshes, and pine trees.

“Sure. You going to tell me that as a Navy brat you never played in dangerous places?” I said, grinning down at her.

“Well, yeah, but…” She let her voice trail off, looking around. 

The ruins were impressive, I had to admit even as a wave of memories washed over me. The house that made them had once stood on a low dirt cliff above the sea and tumbled down it around the turn of the century, and was now a mossy, sea-creature-covered pile of stone that peaked at about a foot over my head and drifted a good ten or twelve feet into the water at low tide. I began to climb, calling, “C’mon, Scully, race you to the top!”

I half-expected her to laugh and stay put, but to my surprise she darted around me and began up the rock pile without a word. For a moment I stood there and watched as she nimbly moved from stone to stone, then my competitive streak kicked in and I began to climb myself. I knew better than to hurry too much on the slippery rocks, however, and she was already seated on the top layer by the time I reached it.

“So what do I win, Mulder?” she grinned over at me as I sat down next to her, my rock a little bit lower than hers so that we were looking each other in the eye. The gusting wind nearly took off with her hat, and she tugged it down a bit more on her head.

I couldn’t resist, I didn’t even try. “The winner between a boy and a girl always gets a kiss,” I said, leaning towards her, but not touching her anywhere else.

Her grin faded but she didn’t back away or even flinch as I came closer, tilting my head to the side. “We’re a man and a woman, Mulder, not a boy and a girl.”

“That’s even better,” I breathed, then marshaled all my courage and pressed my lips to hers, not pushing it any further than that. I didn’t close my eyes all the way and saw hers fall closed, but I left the kiss brief and then moved back without touching her in any other way. “It’s a Quonochontaug tradition, I had to,” I said, raising both hands as if warding her away.

She got me once again. Instead of smacking me or knocking me off the rock pile like I half-expected, she grinned at me and shook her head, the ponytail waving beneath the hat. Then she lifted her face to the cool breeze, closed her eyes, and murmured, “I’ve missed this. I should come to the sea more often.”

“Whenever you want to use this place, Scully, mi casa es su casa,” I said, watching her and enjoying how relaxed she looked. Now that I had gotten away with the kiss I decided to stick with not touching her and see how that went. “I’ll get a key made for you the next time I go into town.”

“That’s nice of you, but I don’t want to—“

“Hey, I did all this with you in mind as well,” I confessed. “I was hoping we could spend time up here together, but if you’d like to use it alone I don’t mind.”  
She turned to face me, scooting around on her rock. “Mulder… what is all this? Why all of a sudden? What changed?”

I looked her in the eye and didn’t hide any of what I was feeling. “The only thing that changed, Scully, was that I realized how stupid it’s been for us to keep fighting this… thing… between us. We’re both single adults and there’s no reason we can’t be more than friends if we want to.”

“I’m not quite sure where to start debating that statement,” she said, looking taken aback. “Do we have to go through this again?”

“Hey, you asked,” I said, stung. “Let me assure you that I didn’t bring you up here with the sole intent of getting into your pants. Should you decide that you want to, ah, get involved with me that way I certainly wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers, but what I really wanted was just to spend some time with you away from work. That’s the bottom line, Scully, believe me or not.”

She heaved a sigh and looked away, out at the roiling ocean. “Mulder, I don’t quite know what else to say to you. How can I get it through your thick skull that we’ll never be anything more than friends?”

“Why?” I half-shouted with frustration, causing her head to whip around. “Because you think I don’t want a woman who can’t have my children? That means nothing to me, Scully! Nothing! I want you, dammit, I don’t care about that!”

“It’s more than that,” she snapped back, glaring at me. “I love you, Mulder, but I am not in love with you—I can’t. I can’t fall in love.”

I was surprised almost speechless. Almost. “What?”

“I can’t fall in love,” she said again, quietly, deliberately, looking back out to the hazy blue horizon line. “I never have and, by now, I’m sure that I never will. I love you as much as I can, but I know that in the long run that it won’t be enough. It never has been.”

This was the last thing I had expected to hear from her. I had always assumed that she loved me as much as I loved her, and once we overcame all the obstacles in our way we’d be together. To hear Scully say that she wasn’t in love with me totally floored me, and I didn’t know what to say to that.

“If you want just sex, Mulder, we could do that,” she continued. “But I suspect that’s not enough for you—you need the whole thing, a stable relationship with love and commitment. You certainly deserve it, and I’m just not capable of that. If I was, I wouldn’t have been single and celibate most of my adult life.”

I found my voice. “So you didn’t, uh, with—“

“No, I didn’t,” she sighed, looking back out at the restless cobalt water. “I wanted to, I planned to, just to show myself that I could still attract a man. But Jerse wasn’t who I wanted—you were. It was then that I realized I felt only a physical attraction to you, and despite what Padgett said I couldn’t be in love with you no matter how much I wanted to.”

“How do you know?” I asked. “We’ve never so much as really kissed; how can you know you’re not in love with me?”

She flicked her eyes my way then went back to staring at the ocean. “I just do,” she said in that same quiet voice. “You deserve more than half a woman, Mulder. I can’t be what you want or need for far too many reasons. You should move on.”

“And just conveniently forget the fact that I’m in love with you?” I said in a deliberately normal, matter-of-fact tone.

She shook her head. “I know you think you are, but—“

I simply couldn’t take any more of this. “Don’t tell me what I do or don’t think or feel,” I growled, reaching for her. Before she could react, I had both hands on her shoulders and had pulled her to me, covering her mouth with mine. Though our perch on the rocks was somewhat precarious, I really didn’t care as I kissed her breathless. This was my one and only chance and I knew it.

I kissed her with every iota of what I was feeling, letting loose and hoping that I showed her what I couldn’t seem to get through in words. Our lips were crushed together but there was no pain, only pleasure; I thrust my tongue into her open mouth to be met with hers, and now I felt her response which about made my head spin even faster. 

Dear God, she was kissing me back! If there really was a heaven, I think I had found it.

I gentled the kiss, tamping down my arousal and using my mouth to show her my feelings rather than ravaging her. She still responded, her lips sliding against mine, tongue not only meeting mine but also invading my mouth, rubbing against my teeth and inside my lips. 

Though I suspected that it wasn’t what I should do, I gently broke the kiss and leaned back just a little, still holding her shoulders, and looked at her; I had to see her face, how she was reacting to this. She opened her eyes and gazed back at me with them unfocused, then I saw them sharpen and a rather surprised look crossed her face. Then, to my amazement—this day was just full of them, I thought—she reached up, took my wrists in her small, strong hands, and leaned forward to kiss me.

This time I knew I’d died and gone to heaven. 

:::

What in the hell was I doing?!

I pulled back and stared at him, vaguely noting that his full lips were shiny from our passionate kisses. He looked right back at me, hiding nothing of what he felt, his eyes a deep sea green in this light and so sexy and arousing that I couldn’t look away. “Mulder…”

“Scully?” he said softly, questioningly. 

“God,” I sighed, letting go of him and sitting back on my rock, then put my elbows on my knees and head in hands, putting them over the hat, staring down at the rocks between my knees. “I wish... I wish you didn’t affect me like this.”

“Like what?” He hadn’t moved, still leaning towards me though we weren’t touching.

“Physically,” I admitted, unable to look at him. “You do arouse me, Mulder, you must know that. But that’s no reason to go to bed with you.”

He laughed shortly, although he didn’t sound amused. “It’s good enough for most people, Scully.”

“But not us.” I lifted my head and gazed openly into his eyes just a few inches away. 

“I can’t do this to you, Mulder. I can’t do it to us. I can’t be everything you need, and you deserve no less. Not to mention how it’ll affect our life’s work.”

“Doesn’t what I want count in this at all?” he said, leaning back and sitting upright, stretching his back a little before putting his hands on his lean thighs and rubbing along the tops of them lightly. God, how I wanted to be doing that! I could almost feel the tactile sensation of the denim against my palms, his strong runner’s muscles firm beneath the faded cloth. “You get to make the decision for both of us? What happened to being partners?”

“I’m trying to do the right, the best, thing for us,” I said dispiritedly. “Mulder, I know damn well that in time I wouldn’t be enough for you in myriad ways. Let’s not start anything that will just disappoint us later.”

“But how do we know if we don’t try?” he pressed, though he didn’t raise his voice or lean towards me like he had earlier. His eyes, still a beautiful deep sea green, were steady and serious on mine. “That’s all I’m asking, Scully, just to try. If you’re right, if we don’t work out, we can still stay friends.”

It was like talking to a brick wall, I thought with frustration. I had to get away from him before I snapped. “Let’s drop this for now, Mulder. If you don’t mind I’d like to do something else.”

We climbed down from the rock pile carefully, and when we were safely back on the beach he put his hands in his front jeans pockets and sighed, looking out over the water. “What d’ya want to do, Scully?”

“Let’s head back to the house and I’ll decide from there,” I said, starting to walk. 

“I need to tell you one last thing, and then I’ll drop it,” he said suddenly, catching my hand and turning me to face him. “I don’t want to just have sex with you, Scully, as you figured out. I want to make love with you, and nothing less will do. If you feel you can’t be emotionally involved with me, that you really and honestly aren’t in love with me and don’t think you ever could be, I’ll understand and not hold it against you. But I don’t know how long I can continue to be around you and not act on my feelings. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but I’ve gone past the point of no return. I can’t hide, nor do I want to, what I feel for you.”

He leaned forward and kissed me softly, then let go of my hand and began trudging along the rocky sand back the way we’d come. I stared after him for a moment, not quite sure what I felt or thought about his words, then trotted to catch up and we walked back together.

For the rest of the day we hung around the house; I lay on the couch and read some of “Valley of the Dolls” which I found in one of the many bookcases, while Mulder went out in the driveway, where he’d put a portable hoop, and amused himself bouncing a basketball around. 

For lunch we made a big bowl of garden salad with chilled salad shrimp and cold chicken, dressing it with raspberry vinaigrette and eating out on the deck. The tension had lessened between us and we were once again comfortable with each other. Mulder regaled me with stories of the summers he’d spent at this house, teaching Samantha to swim and fish and water-ski, then trying to dodge her when he wanted to hang out with his friends but somehow she’d always managed to find them, to his eternal annoyance.

It was while he was talking that it hit me. Mulder seemed at peace with the biggest obstacle in his life, Samantha’s disappearance, and was clearly moving on; just what he’d done with this house told me that. The Consortium had been destroyed so that was no longer an obsession. We were still investigating some unusual and interesting X-Files, the work had not gotten boring, but nothing held Mulder back from living a more normal life now. His big quest for Samantha and the truth over, he was ready to move on.

I was, I realized, his next obsession.

Oddly enough, that thought didn’t panic or even worry me. It was a logical progression. Now that I understood why and what he was doing it all made sense, although I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. Still, it put my mind at ease that he wasn’t just after me because I was the nearest, most convenient woman and probably the easiest to be with in our line of work.

Still… that didn’t erase the other problems between us. Though he seemed determined to prove to me that it didn’t matter that I couldn’t have children, I was afraid that it would, some day, end up being the dealbreaker in our relationship. On top of that, I wasn’t sure how attractive he’d find me once he saw me without clothes; though I’ve always kept myself in good shape, I was scarred and getting older, no longer the nubile young woman he’d first met. Then, of course, there was the work; I wasn’t going to waste nearly ten years of my life by getting involved with yet another co-worker and ending up being nothing more than a woman who couldn’t keep her legs together in the workplace. To me there were far more impediments to us getting involved than there were positive reasons. Or so I continually told myself as I sat there and tried not to repeatedly run over those ardent kisses on the rock pile in my mind.

I sat quietly, my stomach full and sipping at a glass of fresh-brewed iced tea as he talked, enjoying the rumbling of his voice. It didn’t help any that he was one of the most handsome and charismatic men I’ve ever known. Once again I thought that if I’d met him outside of work I wouldn’t have hesitated; I had gone a bit wild my first couple of years at college and had had my share of one night stands. Mulder definitely would have caught my eye and been under consideration as a bed partner back then.

However, would I have caught his attention? I wondered. I was about as far from what he seemed to find attractive as humanly possible as far as I could tell. Add that to my other failings and it was doubtful that, despite his persistence, we would stay together long if we did try a romantic relationship. I was fairly certain that between my problems and hang-ups and his obsessive personality, it probably wouldn’t work out in the long run for us.

But, oh dear God, did I want that man. Not for the first time I admitted to myself that I yearned for him, that I wanted him physically as I’d never wanted anyone else in my life. I had no doubt that sex between us would be spectacular physically, although I suspected that the lack of emotional depth would disappoint him. Could I live with that?

Then it hit me. What if, by sleeping with him, I did finally fall in love with him? And we ended up being everything to each other we both hoped?

Or, it could prove to him for once and for all that we weren’t meant to be together despite our feelings for each other. Either way, it should settle the question.

Neither outcome changed the other problems I was worried about, but whether or not I could fall in love with him really was my biggest concern as long as I took everything he said at face value—and I did. There was only one way to find out. Despite all my doubts and fears, I knew it would put an end to this... thing… between us for once and for all, one way or another, before it drove us both totally mad. I had had enough; he was right about that much.

As much as I hated to risk our friendship and partnership, I had to do this.  
Now that I had decided what to do I felt myself relax, just about dozing in the comfortable chair as he talked on, nodding or making the appropriate noises when necessary. Though I tried to ignore it, there was a warmth in my lower belly and between my legs at the thought that I was going to get laid tonight; not just laid, but laid by the man I had wanted for more years than I cared to remember. And laid well, I was certain. At that thought my nipples hardened, tingling, and I crossed my arms over my chest to hide them from Mr. Eagle Eyes.

And if it didn’t work? I’d worry about that later, I told myself firmly as I recalled where in my overnight bag was the one item I had been careful to remember to bring and pack carefully so I wouldn’t lose it.

:::

At dusk, when it began to cool down, we went for a short run, jogging the mile into town and then back. When we returned we discussed dinner, but neither of us was really hungry so Scully went to shower while I plunked down on the couch and picked up the book I’d abandoned earlier. But I couldn’t keep my mind on it though it had been a favorite when I was a teen: Rendezvous With Rama by Arthur C. Clarke. Every little thing distracted me, from the creak of a floorboard to the sound of the shower shutting off. 

I sat and stared into space listening to her move around in the bathroom, wondering what mysterious feminine rituals she was performing. I had never seen that green face mask thing since our little undercover sojourn as a married couple, but was always braced in case she wore it again. 

She seemed to be taking an awfully long time and it was nearly eight o’clock when she finally appeared in the hallway barefoot, wearing a pair of deep emerald green satin pajamas with her white robe over them, although it was untied and hung loosely from her shoulders. “Mulder, I’m kind of tired, I’m going to head off to bed,” she said in an odd tone as she walked over and picked up the book she’d been reading earlier from the end table. “See you later. Don’t stay up too late.”

I stared after her as she walked away, wanting to mention how early it was and yet loathe to mention it; I had told her I’d lay off and I meant it. Plus I didn’t want to ruin the easy camaraderie that had come back to us over the course of the day.  
Then she turned back just before reaching the hallway and said, “I left you plenty of hot water if, um, you want to take a shower. I know I felt a lot better after one, uh, after our run.”

Totally baffled by her tone and actions, all I did was nod and watch as she disappeared into the bedroom she was using, the door closing quietly behind her. What had I done this time? I wondered, setting the book on the couch next to me without bothering to mark my place. She didn’t seem annoyed with or angry at me, but going to bed at eight in the evening? Even for her that was early, and it meant something although I didn’t know just what yet. Hopefully I’d find out without it being a problem between us.

Without really thinking about it I got up and closed and locked the doors, though I left the windows open again. Once the house was battened down I turned off all the lights and headed for my bedroom across from Scully’s, thinking I might as well take that shower and perhaps deal with the low-grade arousal I’d had since she’d—

I opened my bedroom door, flicked on the light, and froze.

Laying on the pillow of my unmade bed was a partly dried and wilted, but easily recognizable, red rose.

My head whirled and I realized that I had been holding my breath, releasing it with a whoosh and letting go of the doorway, which I had been clutching so hard that my fingernails hurt. 

Oh, God. When I could think straight my first reaction was to race over to her room and barge in. But luckily I didn’t move; instead I thought of how romantic my sweaty post-jog pits would be and that cooled my jets. OK then, shower first.

And then what?! Just march over there, slam the door open, and announce “Spread ‘em, baby, here I come”?

I’d figure that out later, I decided as I yanked off my shirt and tossed it in the general direction of the white wicker hamper in a corner of my room. Let’s get the shower out of the way then I’ll figure out what to do.

I had never showered so fast in my life, though I was careful to wash every part of me thoroughly and toweled my hair mostly dry. I was getting more and more nervous despite my previous confidence as the moment neared; I wish I had just jumped her at an opportune moment instead of this interminable wait as I showered and then dithered about what to wear. It’s to go across the hall, dipshit, I told myself. But I didn’t want to walk in naked, that seemed too crass, nor did I want to wear anything that she might misconstrue as changing my mind or not wanting her.

Finally I pulled out a pair of dark blue boxer-briefs, which actually looked more like shorts than underwear, and decided not to wear a shirt. Scrubbing my already-wet palms on my hips I moved towards the door, hoping I wasn’t too nervous to perform as I was only half-hard at this point. But I had the feeling that once I got going I’d forget about being nervous.

I knocked lightly, then pushed the door to her room open slowly and peered around it, hoping I hadn’t miscalculated her gesture and discover the barrel of her gun pointing at me. The room was dim, filled with a soft yellow light that I saw was from the bedside lamp. But my eyes didn’t linger there long; on the queen-sized bed next to the nightstand was Scully, leaning back on a pile of pillows that she must have plundered from another room, the covers up to her waist and a book in her lap. She was still wearing the green silk pajamas, but the top was unbuttoned to her navel and my eyes zeroed in on the rounded globes of her breasts visible in the open V. 

“That was one long shower, Mulder,” she smiled up at me, patting the bed beside her as she put the book on the far side table with the other hand, scooting over a little. 

“I, ah, didn’t go into my bedroom until about fifteen minutes ago,” I admitted, entering the room and leaving the door open behind me since there was no one else in the house. “I wish I’d gone earlier.”

“I told you not to stay up too late,” she teased. As I reached for the quilt she tossed it back and I saw bare leg instead of pajama bottoms. That caused a jolt in my belly that I knew presaged another event and I quickly got beneath the covers next to her, tossing them over my lap. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself after that, and it was a relief that she slid over next to me. I put an arm around her as she turned and curled up against me, her soft yet firm legs tangling with mine, one hand caressing my bare chest. Both of us were leaning back on the pile of pillows, which was just as comfortable as it had looked. “I’m just glad you came after the mixed signals I’ve been giving you all day.”

“I understood this one,” I said, pulling out the rose from behind my back and handing it to her. “I’m almost afraid to ask but what changed your mind, Scully?”

She colored slightly, dropping her eyes, and set the rose on the blankets over our laps. “I got to thinking about what you said about us never knowing if we didn’t try,” she murmured. “I have to trust that we won’t lose our friendship, each other, if this doesn’t work out the way we hope. If I can’t love you the way you need to, the way you should, be loved,” she added in a soft voice. “I make no promises, Mulder, but I do want to try.”

“All I need is you, Scully,” I said as I shifted and turned towards her, curling my hand around her jaw and lowering my face to hers even as I tightened my arm around her shoulders. “Whatever you’re willing and able to give is more than enough for me.”

Just before I kissed her she murmured, “God I hope so” and then we were done talking for a while. I was in no hurry and kissed her long and hungrily, keeping my hands above her shoulders for the time being, cupping her head. She tasted of mint toothpaste and, faintly, the iced tea we’d drunk earlier; the press of her lips and delicate touch of her tongue against mine was more intoxicating than the strongest alcohol I’d ever had. I wanted to devour her whole, but made myself hold back. We slid down off the pillow pile until we were laying on our sides facing each other, our bodies not quite touching.

One of her hands sketched across my chest, rubbing through the light hair and circling my nipple, making me groan low, then working its way lower beneath the covers. When her hand slipped beneath the waistband of my underwear and curled around my erect cock I nearly leapt off the bed, pulling my mouth from hers and staring down into her amused, bright blue eyes. “Scully!”

“What?” she smiled up at me, stroking up and down my length, then cupping her hand over the swollen head and caressing it with her fingers, rubbing the drops of pre-ejaculate into the skin. Tiny electrics shocks ran up and down my cock and through my balls and belly, making me tremble for a completely different reason than I had been when I’d walked into this room. “Don’t you know me well enough to know that once I make up my mind, I don’t hesitate?”

“I, ah, uh, hadn’t realized that you’d, uh, be this way in, aaah, bed,” I managed to articulate as she continued to caress me with a gentle but firm hand. It was all I could do not to thrust back at her but I knew that if I did that, it was all over with. “Dear God, that feels incredible.”

“Yes, you do,” she agreed, shifting so that her warm, silk-covered body touched mine from chest to hip and she was half laying on me. “What do you say we take the big boy home?”

It took a moment for it to sink in what she meant. “Mmn, not yet,” I said, moving one hand from her head down to her pajama top and fiddling with the single button I could reach. “We’re still a little overdressed for this party.”

She rolled onto her back, letting go of my cock and pushing my hand away from the button I was trying to undo. “Uh-uh, Mulder. I’m fine the way I am.”

I followed, laying on my side and propping my head on my hand, elbow on the bed. I looked down at her openly, laying my hand on her flat stomach over the soft material just above where the covers were pooled. “I want—hell, I need—to see all of you. I love you just the way you are, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Lowering my voice I added, “Let me love you, Scully, let me make love to you the way I’ve dreamed of.”

She shook her head, not looking at me now. “I… I can’t, Mulder. I’m too self-conscious. God, I wish you’d known me when I was sixteen and young and unscarred.”

“I don’t want sixteen year old Dana Scully. I want thirty-six-year old Dana Scully, mature at her peak with all her scars and scrapes and bruises and dings, mostly because of me. I want the woman I’ve fallen in love with more and more over the last six, seven years, the woman I can’t live without even if we don’t do this.”

She raised her eyes to mine and we gazed at each other openly for an indeterminate amount of time, then I got up from the bed and stood next to it, ignoring the still rock-solid erection that tented my underwear. Her face was, at first, shocked and then relaxed when I didn’t go any further away. “Here is where you shot me, which saved me from a much worse fate,” I said, pointing to the small, puckered scar on my shoulder. “This is where I broke my arm in seventh grade going after a pop fly; I tripped and went flat on my face with my arm beneath me and ended up with two pins in there.” I was holding my left arm out, pointing at the faint but visible scar tissue just above the elbow. “And this is where I had my appendix out in 1984,” I pushed down the waistband of my boxer-briefs and pointed to the long, narrow scar next to my right hipbone. Stepping back, I indicated my thigh. “And I’m sure you remember when I got shot during the—“

She sat up and crossed her legs Indian-style beneath the covers, fighting a grin mostly unsuccessfully, biting her lip. “Okay, Mulder, enough, I get it. We’re neither one of us unscarred, or young anymore, but—“

I climbed back on the bed, kneeling back on my heels at her side, and took both of her hands in mine, holding them loosely but firmly. “But me no buts, Scully. If we’re going to do this there’ll be no secrets between us, no hiding, no embarrassment. Nothing you can show or tell me will make me love or want you any less, you know.“

Her eyes were bright and moist, her hands trembling minutely in mine. “I want you but… I’m scared, Mulder, I’m terrified that in some way I won’t be what you need or want,” she admitted in a rapid near whisper, gazing directly at me. “I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens.”

“It won’t happen,” I said firmly, forcing myself to hold her eyes and not look at the skin and cleavage her gaping shirt tempted me with. “Scully, we’ve been more than work partners for a long time now; we just haven’t made the change physically. No more excuses, okay?”

“You think I’m making excuses?” One fine auburn brow rose and her eyes darkened. 

Oh, shit. “I think we both have been until now,” I quickly backpedaled. Hell yes I thought she’d been making excuses, but this was no time to get into one of our arguments. She could have this one, I’d get the next. “Up until just a few weeks ago I wouldn’t let myself think of taking our relationship any further. I had every reason in the book not to push it. And then I realized that if I didn’t, I’d spend the rest of my life regretting not knowing—and I simply couldn’t hold in my feelings for you anymore.”

“’Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’,” Scully quoted softly as the brow relaxed. “In that case…” she pulled her hands from mine and reached down, undoing the last button, then looked back up at me with her full red lips parted and eyes expectant.

I may sometimes be as clueless as the next male animal, but this time I didn’t need to be told.

:::

Trust Mulder to have broken down all my defenses and worked his way past my perfectly good reasons to not do this, I thought through a haze of sexual desire as he pushed my pajama top off of my shoulders, the emerald silk falling to the bed behind me and leaving my torso bare, covers pooled around my waist. For a long time I’d had myself convinced that it was the fact that he was a co-worker, then it was my inability to have children, and lastly, my damaged and aging body being the reason not to get involved with him. None of it had withstood his onslaught, and I was done arguing. I wanted him too badly for any more excuses.

Still, it was all I could do not to throw my arms around myself or grab the covers to hide my body, to sit there quietly and to let him look at me as I was now, not as I had been ten or fifteen years ago. Mulder’s big warm hands settled gently on my shoulders and he pushed me back as I scooted down, then he leaned over and moved the quilt and top sheet back, flinging them to the foot of the bed.

I lay naked but for a pair of white cotton high-leg bikini briefs, the closest to sexy lingerie I had brought with me in my denial that this would ever happen. I shivered, from reaction rather than from cold, as he raked his eyes up and down my body. “Jesus, Scully, you’re even more beautiful than I thought,” he said huskily, tracing the raised pink gunshot scar on my belly with one gentle finger. “You may not be perfect, hell, neither am I, but you are exactly what I want and need. Everything about you is beautiful.”

I raised one hand and cupped the side of his face as he bent over me, my throat tightening at his words. “As long as you think I’m beautiful, I am,” I whispered, wishing he’d lean down and kiss me. But instead he turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand, then zeroed in on my breasts with both hands and mouth.

Holy shit.

I knew my breasts weren’t as high and firm as they had been ten years ago; gravity takes it toll even on the less-than-well-endowed as the body ages, but that didn’t seem to be bothering Mulder. He was squeezing and sucking and licking all over them, pushing them together with both hands and working his way back and forth between my erect, dusky pink nipples. One of his large hands fit completely over one of my breasts, which he seemed to find amusing and did it repeatedly, gently squeezing them and brushing the nipples. I let the tide of arousal and desire wash over and through me, letting go of my last inhibitions with a soft, involuntary moan. I sank both hands into his soft dark hair, holding him to my chest even as my hips began to involuntarily gyrate. Fiery tendrils of arousal spread through my body from my crotch, making me swell and dampen for him, my toes curling and respiration quickening in anticipation of the sexual act.

Then he let go of my breasts and, bracing one arm across me, began to kiss down my body. All coherent thought fled when I realized what he was about to do, any clinical thoughts taking a good long hike. I wasn’t surprised that Mulder would like oral sex, and was damn glad that I’d taken a long, hot shower. He paused for a moment to slide my panties and then his underwear off, then started over from my navel working his way downward.

He stopped once again at the scar on my belly, on hands and knees over me, and traced it with his tongue, using one hand to caress the side of my body from my ribcage down my waist to my hip, where it paused, then moved over to my mound and cupped the thick, springy curls there. I shivered again as I spread my legs wider and he lifted his head just enough to ask, “Cold?”

“No, God, no,” I breathed, reaching down to run my fingers through his hair. 

His lips barely brushing my skin, Mulder rumbled, “I love you, Scully, I love everything about you, I wouldn’t change a thing,” before he went back to licking and kissing my scar and his fingers slipped further down past my mound and found the bare, swollen flesh there. I let out an involuntary moan as his gentle fingers explored me, spreading my ample wetness around, then dipped inside for a moment before sliding back up to my clit and circling it maddeningly before cupping my mound again.

Now that I was past worrying about my appearance I turned to looking at him. Of course I knew what he looked like naked but seeing him like this, thrumming with desire and erect for me, was something else entirely. I reached out and ran my hand from the side of his hip down to where his knee met the bed, and then began the return journey on the front of his leg. He hadn’t been kidding, I realized; my scarred, aging body appeared to be as attractive to him as one of his porno bimbos. He was fully hard and as aroused as I had ever seen a man, my proof that he honestly did find me arousing. Bigger than the average, too, I thought in a lustful aside.

He paused and murmured, “Careful, there, unless you want this over before it’s really begun.”

As badly as I wanted to grab that long, hard cock hanging down and enticing me, I got the message and, making a disappointed sound, instead ran my hand back up over his hip to his ass, grabbing and kneading one taut cheek. I moved my other hand to the powerful bicep holding him up, running it between his arm and shoulder.

“God, I love how you touch me,” he rasped, then moved down more and nuzzled my pubic hair, both hands flat on the bed now. But even with his advantage of a longer torso he couldn’t quite reach past my mons and moved sideways, tugging me with him. We moved around until he had me as he wanted me, laying crossways on the bed with him kneeling on the floor, my legs over his shoulders. “Wish I’d put a bigger bed in here,” he said with a crooked grin as he got into position, then leaned down and licked long and slow over my labia.

It was the most exquisite thing I had ever felt and I moaned my appreciation, which caused him to double his efforts. Most of the men who’d gone down on me acted like it was a chore to get over with before the main event, usually barely touching my clit with their tongue, never mind tasting me like Mulder was. He was running his tongue and lips all between my legs, licking and sucking, clearly enjoying what he was doing. 

Almost before I knew it I was writhing on the bed, holding onto the covers for dear life and moaning and gasping steadily as he pushed me higher and higher towards release. I’d never had an orgasm from oral sex and when I realized what was about to happen I almost stopped him, afraid I’d completely lose control, then decided that I didn’t care. I had never gotten aroused this fast in my life and couldn’t help wanting to find out the outcome.

I hung on the edge for a time, not quite able to go over, and Mulder finally seemed to realize this. His hands, which had been grasping my ass, now moved around to the front of my body and gently spread me apart, lifting the hood completely from my clitoris. Then he took the flat of his tongue and rubbed it on the hard nub, which did the trick—I heard my voice rising to a near-scream as I let myself go into the longest, most intense, incredible orgasm I’d ever had, by myself or with a partner. Though I normally kept a part of my mind separate when I came, this time I didn’t even think of it, it happened so suddenly and intensely. I didn’t like making a fool of myself even in bed and had usually worried how I looked and acted to my bed partners before this, but with Mulder it never even crossed my mind until afterward. And by then I really didn’t care.

I came back to reality to feel him licking gently around my labia, but when he got near my clit I jerked away unintentionally and gasped, “Too much.”

“I have got to make you come again, only the next time I want to watch your face,” he said in a deep, husky voice I had never heard from him before as he crawled back up my body even while I scooted back on the bed. I was trembling with aftereffect, and didn’t try to hide it from him as he stretched out next to me, face to face, and held me close. I snuggled my face in the warm darkness where his neck met his shoulder and took up temporary residence there. “Scully, you are… hotter, more arousing, than anyone I’ve ever seen. I wish I had the words to tell you how I felt.”

“You’re doing just fine,” I sighed, snuggling closer to his hard, warm body, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he slid one beneath my neck and the other over my waist. His rock-hard erection throbbed between our bellies; I wanted it inside me so badly I was nearly salivating, but decided to wait and see what he’d do. “I know this sounds like a cliché, but it’s true: I’ve never come like that in my life before.”

“Really?” He sounded both proud and pleased. Running one big, warm hand up and down my back soothingly, he leaned back enough so that we could see each other and kissed the end of my nose. “I’m glad I could do that for you. So, uh, let me know when you’re recovered enough for the next, ah, part.”

“You mean for us to fuck,” I said with a straight face, then couldn’t help cracking a grin at the startled look on his face. “What did you think I was going to say, Mulder, coitus or intercourse?”

He grinned back at me, looking like a happy little boy despite the strong planes of his face and slight beard shadow. “No matter what you call it, I wanna do it with you,” he said, rolling me over onto my back and scooting closer. “Make love with me, Scully?”

As he moved his knees between my legs I grabbed his face with both hands and brought it down to mine, murmuring, “There’s nothing more on heaven or earth that I want more.”

:::

I paused on my hands and knees over her, gazing down at her tiny, beautiful body spread out before me. I’d never felt so large and masculine with a woman before, and yet I knew she was my equal partner in this. Now that I’d broken through all her barriers I could tell that she wanted this as much as I did and while I didn’t hesitate, I also wanted to savor it. 

“I have, uh, some condoms if you want us to use them,” I said. Personally I didn’t think we needed them for myriad reasons, but I wanted to let her know that I was willing if she felt we should.

“I don’t unless you think we need them,” she breathed up at me, her eyes a deep smoky blue. “I want to feel your skin against mine—all of it.”

“Your wish is my command.” Dipping my head down, I kissed her long and thoroughly. My entire groin area was throbbing with want of her, my steel-hard cock jerking with my heartbeat and my balls drawn up tight against my body already. When I broke the kiss I warned, “This may not last long, Scully, you have me so aroused.”

“Don’t worry about that,” she assured me, gazing up into my eyes with hers still soft and misty from her earlier orgasm. “I’m dying to feel you inside me, and we have all weekend.”

My heart and gut jolted. I had forgotten where we were, and she was right; we had the rest of tonight and all day tomorrow to spend in bed if we wanted to. With no further ado I leaned back on my heels and grasped my cock, hearing her gasp and looking up to find her eyes on my hand. “I love seeing you touch yourself,” she breathed, getting up on her elbows with her eyes glued to my groin. “Jesus but you are so damn hot, Mulder.”

Anther jolt ran through me and it was all I could do not to stroke myself to orgasm right then and there out of sheer habit, but I held back and tilted my cock down to her entrance. However, the angle was wrong so I grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under her ass, Scully arching her back so I could get it in place, and then took myself in hand again and this time began to push into her steadily.

“Oh my God, oh Jesus,” she cried out as my cock slid inside her body, flopping back, hands reaching for the headboard and bracing there even as her legs wrapped around my hips and pulled me deeper into her. “Oh, Mulder, you are incredible!”

“So are you,” I managed to utter through clenched teeth, trying not to shoot my wad right then and there. Her words were affecting me just as much, if not more, than the feeling of her tight, hot, wet canal enveloping and welcoming me and the visual of her slender, ivory-skinned body spread out before me. I was trembling right on the edge as I managed to get all the way inside without losing it, holding her hips steady with my taut balls pressed to her body. “I’m so close, Scully, give me a minute.”

She smiled up at me, eyes gleaming in the dim light. “Mmn. Take your time, Mulder, it feels so good you can stay like that as long as you like.” She heaved a sigh and, still smiling, closed her eyes slowly. “I’ve found my little slice of heaven.”

I forced myself to relax, taking a couple of deep breaths for good measure. Then, not taking my eyes from her beautiful face, I slowly pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in, holding still as I felt my arousal coming close to peaking again.

“Aaaaaah—ooooh,” she moaned softly, opening her deep blue eyes and looking up at me almost dazedly. “Let go, Mulder, don’t hold back; I want to feel you come inside me.”

“Oh, God,” I groaned, knowing that I was lost. “Oh, Scully.”

She smiled up at me as I dug my knees into the bedclothes and firmed my grip on her hips, holding her steady. Then further words weren’t possible as I began to pump deep and fast into her, leaning back slightly and making sure that I didn’t slam into her too hard. I could only stare down into her eyes, letting her see everything I was feeling as I rose to the peak in less than a half dozen strokes and then came so hard inside her that my head was spinning like I’d been pistol-whipped when I finally came down from it.

I carefully withdrew from her and then fell bonelessly to the side, nearly sliding off the edge of the bed before I caught myself and moved to lay beside her. Scully had already removed the pillow from beneath her hips and was lying sprawled on her back, smiling at me with soft, dazed-looking eyes. Her cheeks and upper chest were flushed a becoming rose, and sweat dotted her forehead. I turned on my side to face her, bending one elbow under my head, and placed one hand on her flat belly, gasping, “Give me a moment and I’ll take care of you—“

“Mmn, Mulder, not necessary,” she murmured. “Didn’t you notice I made it again right after you?”

I gave her a shamefaced grin and lifted my minutely trembling hand to caress the side of her face. “No, I was too busy trying to keep the top of my head from flying off, so I’m glad to hear it.”

“It was intense, wasn’t it?” she said softly, gazing into my eyes and covering my hand with hers.

“It was the most intense experience of my life,” I said, still trying to catch my breath. “What about you? How was it?”

She moved her hand to let her arm flop back on the bed, and I moved mine to curl it around her softly curved waist and draw her closer . “If you couldn’t tell, Mulder, it was absolutely wonderful,” she said, still smiling softly into my eyes. “I can’t promise you that I love you the way you may want me to, but believe me, I do love you even more after that.”

I grinned with relief and heaved myself up on one elbow to kiss her thoroughly. Now that the daze from my incredible orgasm was passing, I felt my cock twitching as we caressed each other’s mouth and tongue. Her response blew my mind; I had known it would be special between us but nowhere near as incredible as it had been—and still was. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was ready for Round Two but for the meantime I just wanted to savor finally being where I had wanted and dreamt of for so long: in bed naked with Scully.

When the kiss ended I flopped onto my back, Scully turning onto her side and snuggling up against me as I slid an arm beneath her neck and held her close, her head on my shoulder. We lay that way for some time, occasionally caressing the other but not speaking. I was in a light doze, for once not thinking, just enjoying the feel of Scully’s soft warm skin against mine and the cool night breeze that occasionally gusted in through the open window across the room. From outside I could hear cicadas and crickets, and occasionally the faint lapping of water from the shore.

“Mulder, you asleep?”

“Not quite,” I said, opening my eyes, and smiling at her. She lifted up onto one arm and gazed at me with a bemused look on her lovely face, eyes glittering in the dim light, tousled hair like a muted flame around her head. “What’s up?”

“I was just thinking. I don’t understand why you want me, why you love me. I’m bitchy, I’m willful, I do nothing but argue with you, I’m a control freak, and I’m known as the Ice Queen for good reason. Are you sure you want to be more than friends with me?”

I slid my arm out from beneath her neck and got up on one elbow again so that we were face to face, and with the other hand, skimmed her cheekbone with my thumb, letting the backs of my fingers trail along her jawline. “For one thing, it’s far too late to think twice now. As for wanting to be with you, without a doubt, because you’ve never been any of those things to me. To me you’re brilliant, wonderful, caring, and loyal. The fact that you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen doesn’t hurt either,” I added, smiling, then cupped her jaw and leaned over to kiss her.

When we broke for air she was smiling at me again, though her cheeks were high with color. “You really know how to lay it on thick, Mulder, but I’m not going to stop you,” she said, wrapping both arms around my neck and pulling me over onto her as she laid back. “For once I’m not going to argue with you, but don’t get used to it.”

“Oh, you can argue all you want, but you’re not changing my mind on this,” I said, rubbing my stiffening cock against her thigh. “You know how I get when I obsess something—or someone.”

Her small, warm hands were running up and down my back, scratching lightly on the upstroke and making little quivers of pleasure run through me. “That’s almost exactly what I realized earlier,” she admitted. “It hit me that no matter what reasons I came up with, you were going to circumvent them. Figured I may as well give in and see if you were worth all the fuss.”

“And am I?” I asked huskily as I leaned down and paused with my lips only millimeters from hers, inhaling each other’s accelerating breaths. 

“More than I can tell you,” she breathed back, then reached up and captured my lips with hers. I let go and kissed her with everything I had, trying to bury myself inside her at the same time although I couldn’t seem to find her entrance and poked the inside of her thigh fruitlessly. Then she tore her lips away from mine and gasped, “Let me on top, Mulder. I want to make love to you.”

The jolt in my heart her words caused felt like a small earthquake and for a moment I couldn’t speak for the emotional swelling in my throat. But I recovered quickly and rolled off of her, holding onto her waist and pulling her on top of me. “I need you so much, Scully, I can’t even begin to tell you,” I said as she squirmed up into a sitting position on my upper thighs. God, the sight of her naked and unselfconscious just about blew my mind, and for a moment I wondered if I was hallucinating or dreaming. Then she reached down and wrapped both of her small, warm hands around my erection and I knew that this was no dream. This was the most wonderful reality ever.

:::

Looking down at Mulder’s long, lean, naked body beneath me made me wonder just why in the hell I had fought this for so long. Well, I did remember all the excuses I had come up with, but I didn’t understand them at this point; they seemed trite and unimportant. Now that he’d broken through all my defenses and neither of us was holding anything back, this was a watershed moment in my life. I had never thought I could feel like this with a man, wild and free and sexual without any worries or hang-ups. Mulder had proved to me that he honestly wanted me just the way I was, which no one ever had before.

Was I ever going to reward him for that.

Sitting back on his upper thighs with my legs spread over his, I reached down and wrapped both hands around his substantial cock, bringing it upright from where it had been straining against his slightly convex stomach. Mulder groaned long and low, thrusting his hips up slightly, reaching down and cupping my knees in his big hands. I slid back a bit, then leaned down and took the swollen ruddy head in my mouth even as I moved my hands to the base to hold him steady. I could taste myself on him, but that did nothing except ratchet up my arousal.

The wordless moan he let out was uninhibited pleasure in vocal form. I swirled my tongue around him as far down as I could reach, then pursed my lips and sucked the droplets from the slit in the top; the rich, musky taste of him in my mouth was both familiar and unusual. That brought another deep moan from above me, but I didn’t stop. Instead I took him in as much as I could, rubbing my tongue on the thick vein that ran up the underside, and moved one hand down to cup his taut balls. The tang of him on my tongue and filling all my senses was the best aphrodisiac there was and I savored it as I began to move my mouth up and down on his rigid shaft.

This time the sound was so deep that it was nearly soundless, almost a vibration rather than a noise. I felt his body moving and his hands on my upper arms, gently but firmly pulling me away from him. When his thick penis left my mouth I immediately complained, “What did you do that for? I was just starting to enjoy myself!”

“I want to last longer than five minutes this time,” he said almost breathlessly as he drew me up towards his face. I moved up to sit on his lean waist and leaned down to kiss him, resting my hands on the bed on either side of his head, a wildly fervent kiss with no finesse but plenty of passion. Our teeth clicked against each other, noses bumping, both of us moaning into the other’s mouth from the contact.

I reached back to guide him to my entrance to find that his hand was already there, holding himself steady for me. A quiver of anticipation shot through me as we touched. Both of our hands showed him the way, our fingers caressing each other briefly before we both let go and I pushed back, descending onto him eagerly. I was still wet enough that there was no hesitation, and despite his size he slid up into me smoothly. “Ohhhhhh,” I breathed, throwing my head back and closing my eyes in ecstasy as I sat up straight on him. “Jesus, Mulder!”

When I came to rest fully on him we both held still, although I could feel his body thrumming beneath mine. I was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of him so deeply inside me, filling me perfectly.

“On second thought, I may not last that long again,” he said in a hoarse, strained voice. “God, Scully, seeing you like this, having wanted you for so long, and you’re so tight and wet…”

“Us doctors have our tricks,” I said with a grin, leaning back and to the side. I located the base of his penis with my fingers, then lifted my ass just enough so I could get my hand around him. I squeezed gently but firmly around the base, making sure I depressed the corpus sponglosum fully, for about five seconds, then let go. “That better?”

“Yeah. Wow. There’s something to be said for sleeping with a doctor,” he grinned up at me as I sat upright again. “I’m almost afraid to ask what other neat sexual tricks you have up your sleeve.”

I lifted one arm, shaking it lightly. “I have no sleeves, Mulder.”

“Thank God,” he said fervently, eyes on my breasts as they wiggled with my movements. I leaned forward and braced my hands on his ribs, his going to cup my hips, and began to raise and lower myself on him using my legs. He threw his head back as much as he could, fingers tightening on me, and let out a long, low groan that was pleasure epitomized. “Jee-zus, Scully, you feel… incredible.”

We’d have to think up a new word, I thought dazedly as I let my head fall forward and closed my eyes to better concentrate on what I was doing. The pleasure rippling through my body was so intense that I felt like I could barely stand it, and yet I couldn’t stop. With every stroke my clit rubbed against his pubic bone to add to the powerful sensations, and almost before I knew it I was gone, flying over the peak, shuddering in the throes of another intoxicating orgasm, made even better by having his long, thick hardness deep inside me to grip with my pulsating muscles.

I came back to myself laying on Mulder’s chest, his cock still hard and inside me, with him scattering kisses across my shoulder and neck. “Oh my God was that hot! I love to feel and watch you come, Scully.”

“Anytime, Mulder,” I said with a breathless chuckle, feeling the aftershocks shudder through me. I raised myself and braced my forearms on his chest, looking down at his lust-addled face. “I can’t believe you didn’t make it with me.”

“Oh, I am so not done with you yet,” he growled, reaching up and nuzzling my collarbone with his nose. My heart leapt in my chest and any lingering doubts or concerns I had disappeared with those words.

:::

Watching Scully come was driving me insane. She wasn’t loud, but the soft, husky noises she made and her expressions were clearly non-deliberate and so sexy that they went straight to my cock. It was all I could do not to just slam up into her and let go, but I honestly wanted to take my time and enjoy it longer rather than racing to release. 

“Let’s try this another way,” I suggested, licking and kissing along her collarbone. “Can I drive again?”

“Mmn, anything you want, Mulder,” she sighed as she lifted off of me—both of us groaning as I left her hot body—and flopped back on the bed at my side, stretching. Any body issues she’d had earlier were clearly gone, as her petite, curvy form was totally bare and she wasn’t trying to cover up any part of herself. 

“My God you’re beautiful,” I said unthinkingly as I got up on my hands and knees next to her.

She blushed becomingly, her cheeks pinking and the flush spreading down her neck to her upper chest. “You don’t have to keep saying that, Mulder.”

I held my ground. “You are beautiful to me,” I repeated. “Don’t try to argue with me, Scully, you can’t change what I think.”

I leaned down and kissed her gently, which quickly grew into something deeper. Almost before I knew it I was leaning over her, rubbing my cock against her hip and ready to mount her again. But I had other plans. It was with some regret that I broke the kiss, pushing myself back and murmuring, “Roll over, Scully, I want to try something else.”

“Mmmmmulder,” she murmured, giving me a sexy little close-mouthed smile and then rolling onto her belly and getting up on her hands and knees. I felt my heart jolt as her beautiful auburn-framed pink pussy came into sight below her ivory-skinned ass; my entire body was urging me to dive in and though I wanted to explore her in this position first, I couldn’t resist. 

I snuggled up behind her and ran my hands over her body from shoulders to hips, feeling the strong, supple muscle and bone beneath the silky skin. My straining cock was trapped between our bodies and I couldn’t help rubbing against her a few times. “Oh, God, Mulder, stop teasing and give it to me,” she moaned, dipping her back so that her ass lifted towards me. My stomach jolted at her words and for a moment my head swam, and I wondered if this was really happening.

“Anything you want, Scully, anything at all,” I rasped, leaning back and grasping myself again. As I began to enter her my eyes were drawn to her tattoo, and I reached over to circle it with the tip of one finger. But I quickly forgot about it as I bottomed out, leaning over her and brushing her hair away from her nape so I could nuzzle and kiss it. “I love you, Scully, so much,” I murmured without thinking as I began to thrust shallowly into her, bracing both arms on the bed just behind hers. 

Again I kept an iron rein on myself, thrusting in and out in a steady, not-too-fast rhythm and giving a little snap of my hips every time I felt my balls touch her curls. Her low cries and moans were growing louder, throatier with every thrust. But it wasn’t as long as I’d have liked before I felt my control slipping; the rein I’d held on myself had worn thin. “Oh, God, can’t hold on much longer,” I gritted, throwing my head back and closing my eyes, thinking in some part of the back of my muddled brain that it might help if I couldn’t see her. In fact it did just the opposite, intensifying the sensations of her slick, tight walls sliding against my cock, the heavy, musky smell of our mingled sex in the air, the arousing sound of her moans.

“Don’t hold back, Mulder, fuck me as hard and fast as you want,” she said in that husky voice, then cried out as I really began to slam into her.

Had I not already been on the edge that would have done it, but as it was I was already gone by the time she finished speaking. I had lost all restraint and was pounding into her, holding her hips and yanking her back against me. I was grunting and moaning and totally out of control, and I had just enough sense left to note her orgasm as mine began. My world spiraled down to the feel of her hot vagina clutching my cock in waves as my balls drew up and pulsed my come into her, my entire body tingling and exploding in pleasure. I heard my own voice cry out, but what I said was lost in the rush of thundering blood in my ears.

I came back to myself leaning over her back, arms braced behind hers, resting my   
forehead between her shoulderblades and heaving for breath, my heart racing. Beneath me it felt like she was doing the same thing. After just a few moments her front half lowered to the bed, her head falling to the covers, and I forced myself to move in case I was crushing her. She rolled to her side and I followed, spooning her loosely since we were both still sweaty, hot, and panting. 

We didn’t speak for a few minutes then, when I felt I had my breath back, I ventured, “You all right, there, Scully?”

“I’ve never been quite so all right in my life, Mulder,” she said with humor in her voice, then sighed. “Now I wish I hadn’t put you off for so long.”

I knew better than to reply to that. Instead I pulled her a little closer and let myself drift off to sleep.

:::

I woke startled, laying naked on my back with warmth touching me from shoulder to foot, and opened my eyes to hazy dawn light. It was bare moments before I realized where I was, and the moment I went to move I was reminded of the night of lovemaking with Mulder. My long-unused muscles were sore, but nothing that a good soak couldn’t put right, I thought with some humor. I slipped out from beneath the tangled covers and stood carefully, wondering when and how we’d gotten under the sheets and blankets. My last clear memory was of Mulder curling around me after our wild second bout, but I’d been so wiped by then he had probably tugged them up over us and I hadn’t so much as stirred.

After I left the bed Mulder sighed and rolled over onto his side away from me, one muscular, bronzed arm outside the covers. I paused and gazed at the back of his dark, tousled head, then made my feet get moving as I had to pee badly. I could gaze longingly at him when I got back from the bathroom, I thought with a silent laugh at myself.

But when I returned Mulder was nowhere to be seen, the covers thrown back and sunlight peeking around the edges of the curtains. I paused to put my robe on and belt it, then went in search of my errant lover.

Lover, I thought once again as I walked down the hall, testing the flavor of the world in relation to Mulder and I. Lovers. Not just partners, not just friends, but now lovers as well. It seemed a little odd at first, but I found myself smiling as I walked across the living room towards the back of the house.

In the kitchen I found Mulder standing at the counter filling the coffeemaker. Though my feet made no noise on the tiled floor, he turned to smile at me as he pushed the appliance back into place, the dark brew starting to drip. He was wearing nothing but the dark blue shorts he’d had on when he’d come to my room last night, and I felt my body come alive as I glanced up and down his long, lean form. 

Wearing a grin matching mine, he came over and gathered me into his arms, just holding me close against him and rocking slightly. I held him in return, my arms around his waist, his around my shoulders. I rested my head against his flat chest, listening to his heart beat steadily in my ear. “This is the best morning of my life; it even beats Christmas 1970 when I got a pair of Spock ears and a science officer’s shirt,” he murmured huskily near my ear. “How about you, Scully? This up there on the good mornings scale?”

I ran my hands up and down his warm, muscular back as I spoke. “Without a doubt. I’m not sure if it beats my first ‘Science at Home’ chemistry set, but then I was six when I got it and that’s a lot to overcome.”

His arms loosened and he leaned back to look at me, then his faintly worried look changed back to a wide grin as he saw the smile on my face. “But since I’m not six anymore then yes, this is also my best morning ever.”

He leaned down to kiss me and I met him halfway, but he kept the kiss light and friendly, his tongue caressing mine briefly before he leaned back again. “I don’t know about you, but I am starving,” he said. “Feel like cooking up some breakfast with me?”

“In more ways than one, but food will do for now,” I said as I spun out of his embrace; if he could tease then so could I. I went over to the counter, planning to get us cups of coffee for now as the pot was done, but paused when I saw the wilted red rose sitting next to the two mugs. I picked it up and turned back to him. “You really love me for who I am, and don’t mind what I look like?” I said slowly, more a statement than a question. 

“Don’t mind?! I love the way you look, I love you just the way you are,” he said, coming over and placing both large, warm hands on my shoulders. I looked up into his handsome face, familiar yet so new with the look of love and—oh, God—adoration on it. “Scully, what more do I have to do to prove to you how I feel?”

I tossed the rose back onto the counter and stepped into his arms, hugging him fiercely. “Absolutely nothing; I’m just still having problems processing it,” I said into his chest. Then I moved back so I could look up at him, making sure he saw my face as I spoke. “I love you more than I ever thought I could feel for anyone; I’m sure that my earlier hesitations were because I knew I’d fall head over heels for you and I was afraid of it. But now… now I don’t care. I’m madly in love with you, Fox Mulder, and I don’t care who knows it.”

“You love me?” he gazed down at me blankly, hands still on my terrycloth-clad shoulders. “Are you sure?”

“Now who’s not a believer?” I couldn’t help but grinning like a fool, didn’t even fight it. This delightful moment was not to be missed; the look on his face was priceless as I imparted my little secret. “Yes, Mulder, I think I’ve loved you about forever. I just fought it tooth and nail because… because I was afraid. Afraid of losing myself in you.”

“And now?” he asked, his face growing serious.

I was still smiling; couldn’t stop it if I tried. “If this is losing myself, bring it on,” I said, parroting one of his favorite expressions. I was too happy to make this a serious, angst-filled moment. “Something tells me that if anyone gets lost here, it’ll be both of us.”

“You got that right, Agent Scully.” Mulder’s face broke into a beautiful grin, his clear hazel eyes crinkling at the corners. “So why don’t we take our lost-in-each-other, love-besotted selves over to the fridge and stove and get our strength up? Something tells me we’re going to need it for the next few days.”

As I reached up to kiss him I murmured, “You could be right.”

And he was.

 

finis


End file.
